December 2010
111.
My attention span is terrible.
November 2010
110.
Hehe episode 09. was soo cute, so funny. I cannot even believe it everything is starting to fall into place, and new developments are starting to show. I cannot wait for the next episode Kirino is so cutee. I love her hair! I’m jealous of the costumes they will have to wear! oh my gosh so exciting!
109.
Heaven opens up to me. Living water turned into chilling blood, Is all that I can see. This life I’m searching for, I know that, I can’t go back anymore.
108.
I am convinced, I will complete this. My stress is coming to a end, these days will be forgotten and I will be stronger. I am a doctor.
107.
And when I got older. When I grew older. Out onto the streets I flew. Released from your shackles. I danced with the Jackals. And learned a new way to move.
106.
I hate feeling this way but honestly I just want to leave and never tell anyone where I left to. I’m sure I only know of one person that would actually care. Everyone else I could care less about and I’m sure they feel the same. I need out.
“Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to...”
– Sigmund Freud (via thanatosis)
105.
It’s hard to read peoples minds. Actually it’s impossible and I feel like I have done something wrong but I can’t figure out what, since I’m not in the loop and no one will talk to me about anything..
“I can imagine that I’m everything, because I’m nothing. If I were something, I...”
“If you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you.”
“Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier...”
104.
I got lots done today and hopefully finish everything up by wednesday which leaves me a week and a half to gather all my portfolio work and get it photographed and framed. I don’t know if a portfolio portfolio would be better then a photographed one but I guess I’ll figure that out by the end of the week. I’m going to do some painting later tonight so hopefully that goes good....
103.
I always come back to that sore, heavy feeling, where I always just want to escape.
102.
I live like a hermit in my own head.
But when the sun shines again,
I’ll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
101.
“We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.” - André Berthiaume
100.
Being human is so exhausting, I will from now on be a owl.
99.
I hit rock bottom, and it feels good.
98.
I think I’m slowly catching on. I feel okay, and that’s the first step. I know now that No one listens to reason, and everyone has to make their own mistakes to actually learn anything. But, it seems to make people lose control and if you don’t see it everyone else does. So don’t lose your grip, and don’t listen to ever single word, because not all they say is always...
97.
It’s too bad not everyone learns from others mistakes.
96.
Obviously I hate being alone. Everyone has a excuse, and it’s becoming more and more of a pattern. I know we all grow up and things change, but we have yet to grow up and the excuses are already there.
95.
So it seems like I’m always at war with myself about something and its really starting to bother me. Along with a ton of other stuff I’m not really sure what the fuck is going on, but I am thinking of making some drastic choices to improve myself and make me feel better then not. I also blame the fact that I don’t think being alone and always doing nothing really helps my case at...
94.
I can’t manage to let my lip piercings go. I feel like without them I am no different then the rest of the population, I feel like I have grown up and really that I have accepted that this is what society wants me to be like. I really want to find other ways to be different and different ways for me to stand out, and not be apart of this whole. But I’m really unsure of how to do that.
93.
They do not define me, and thus I don’t care that I have lost them.
92.
I’m really scared, why do I have this sinking feeling?
91.
I really wanted to ride a bike to school today, but I don’t dare enter the spiders den. They plot and plan and take revenge on me whenever I go into their lair. Because when they enter mine I do the same. I am in constant battle with them, and this once they have won the battle, because I am no longer riding a bike to school today.
90.
Lets develop this idea and make it wonderful. These days are getting too short, and my mind is just overfilling and spilling right onto the floor.
89.
The cold is pulling at me, just like all my responsibilities and I’ve come to realize I cannot keep control of them all. I want to change these days back to before. I wish the seasons would change, and it would be summer all over again, and I would never have to worry about the cold.
88.
Seriously my art teacher will not stop fucking nagging me now, and honestly the next time she bitches at me I am going to ask her why she continues to crawl up my ass about everything when I am the only good student in her class. Seriously it’s getting old now.
87.
I got some really really cute shoes on Friday and I cannot wait to wear them. I also got some leg warmers and I love them to death. I also am very close to getting my camera! I almost have enough. I hope that by Christmas I will have gotten it.
86.
That’s it. I know how to do this. I can feel it, and I’m excited. I’m not sure if it’s a permanent thing but I hope it lasts. I will make it last.
85.
I’m still wondering what it is that you gave me to make me act that way. To relax, to be calm and to be worry less. I don’t understand how you did it, but I liked it much better that way. I wish I had the will to do that by myself. I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me.
